Inevitable

Dear John,
Hi. You've been gone for an entire month, and it really sucked a lot, especially at the beginning. But it somehow got easier. And I'm not sure why. Let me start off by saying I love hanging out with you. We have fun, we get along great, we definitely have some sort of a connection, it's pretty cool. But lately, I've been coming to many realizations. Some good, some not so good. And I was really thinking about it. You being gone for a month pretty much fucked everything up. Because I'm leaving in 34 days. And I'm working a lot. And I have to see my friends before they/I leave. And after I leave? I won't be home for well over a month. And you will have tons of school work, chaos, key club, cross country possibly, and your family life/picking out a college. As I will be swamped trying to get use to college, living on my own, and being 4 hours away. Its doomed to fail. And know this has nothing against my feelings towards you. It has all to do with logic. But as my feelings go, my feelings couldn't really grow when you were away. They were until our huge fight. That really damaged me in this relationship. And here's the big thing: I know why I haven't been able to fall. I've been protecting myself from this failing as I get into college mode. If I were a senior in high school, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Because I'm quite positive that I would be falling in love with you as we speak. But I'm not. Because I'm protecting myself. It's hard, but you don't love me. And thats okay. And just know I really truly want to stay friends. Because again, if I was a senior I wouldn't be typing this. But it's a shitty situation. And I'm so sorry, and hope you understand.

Jane



This is what I need to say to him.
Not sure how.
Or when.
Because I don't want to say it.
I really don't.
But I have to.
Because we won't last.
It sucks.
So much.
But we will never see each other.
I can't do that.
And it's just so shitty.
Ugh crying myself to sleep.