Ew.

It sucks.
Dreaming about Gordon.
It doesn't happen often.
But when it does, it sucks.
I have on purposely tried to forget most of our relationship.
It's too painful.
It reminds me of how much I loved him and who wants that?
I'm happily in a relationship.
But this is what I'm aiming at:
Thus far, and I'm sure it won't happen for a very long time, my relationship now is so mediocre compared to what I had in the past.
But enough comparing.
Because that's the worst you can do.

He walked into my house, because clearly he was home from school.
My parents were letting him stay with us for God knows what reason.
As he walked in I gave gave him a hug.
He resisted for a sec, but soon gave in for a hug and kissed me on the forehead.
I asked him how he was, etc.
He then looked at me and said, "Just try not to mess things up between Laura and I okay?"
My arms still around him, sadly so natural, I say, "You know I have a boyfriend, right?"
He stared at me for a while, not saying anything, and starts to sort of shake a little.
Later in the dream I was getting ready for bed when Laura came over.
They were watching a movie, but suddenly got into some sort of fight.
After she left I looked at G.
"She's kind of bossy isn't she?" he said.
"Um, yeah she's kind of a bitch," I said lightly with a chuckle.
After this we joked around about her and I told him a few stories about my connections with her.
And then I woke up in a sweat.

Why do I continue to dream about this kind of stuff?
It's a sore subject.
But my problem is that I'm actually pretty happy with my relationship and then I have dreams like this that screw me up.
I don't want to dream about him.
I don't want to even think about him.
Because when I do, I remember stuff.
And it becomes painful for me.
Stupid.
I just wanna pretend it never happened.
Pat and I are doing pretty well.
We've had our moments but so do all couples.
It's just hard.
I loved him very much.
And it takes only a second to say hello, and a lifetime to say goodbye.