Swear On The Bible

I've been watching myself become happier everyday.
I've been making myself a better person.
I'm liking the results.
But I still have many areas I need to clean up.
Most importantly, the religious aspect of it all.
I feel so disconnected with God.
All I want is a good relationship with him.
Because I feel like my life would fall into place.
Everything would be better.
But right now, I feel nothing.
I even doubt there is a God sometimes.
Maybe it's because I still have such trust issues.
Whatever the case, I just want to feel spiritual again.
I miss having that sense of hope in my life.
Especially after seeing her in the grocery store.
Boy did I miss her.
It seemed like she missed me too.
I just miss talking to her, sitting at her kitchen counter.
It kinda feels like all of it never happened until they bring something up.

"You work at Market Basket? That doesn't really seem like you."

How does she know that?
Of course it's not me.
I hate it.
It's so bizarre.
My mom and I have a hunch she wishes he and I were, well ya know.
But it's okay.
I'm living my life to the fullest, even though a small part of me sometimes wishes the same exact thing.
Live and let live baby.