It's All So Last Year

It's been almost a year since prom.
Since my world came to a screeching hault.
Since my life was flipped upside down.
Since I've felt the worst feeling in the whole wide world.
One year.
It changes everything.
Look at me know.
Just a few months ago I was still depressed.
And now, I'm doing okay.
Actually I'm just fine.
But I'm not sure if I'm fine because I'm over my life, or because I'm ignoring my problems.
Like I'm ignoring the fact that I think I've lost my best friends.
And I'm ignoring the fact that I was ever in love.
And I'm ignoring the fact that I have feelings for someone.
Isn't it funny?
Because right now, besides me stressing over school, I have nothing killing my brain and insides right now.
I'm actually kinda enjoying my life.
A little.
And the weird thing is I don't really have any reason to.
But sometimes giving them letters crosses my mind.
Just to tie up loose ends.
Like to Gordon, just thanking him for bringing me to life.
Making me finally feel alive.
And to thank him for everything he taught me.
And to them, I'm not sure what I'd say.
I think I'd just say that I'm sorry for them.
People who love themselves that much need help.
And believe me, they love themselves.
They should go soak up each others awesomeness.
I did so much for Becca, was always there for her, and this is what I get.
I'm not sure if I should go to her graduation.
I have to think long and hard about it.
Because I can almost bet Mary, Pat, Gordon and Laura will all be there.
Not that any of them know her like me, but okay.
Maybe they can all soak up each others awesomeness.
I use to care about how I wasn't in that group anymore.
I laugh now at the thought.
I'd much rather be by myself then with them.
It's weird.
After everything with Gordon, I don't really talk about who I like to anyone.
I keep it all in.
Basically he's perfect.
He wants to go to the Naval Academy, which ever since I was little said I'd marry someone that went there.
I guess it was because my uncle went there.
But he's strong, and athletic, and determined.
He cares a lot about his grades.
And I love that.
I just think he's perfect.
And I'm not crossing my fingers or trying or anything.
But if it's meant to be, then so be it.
All I know is I need some sleep.
I can't wait for Sunday and Monday.
Maybe I'll go to the beach Monday.
It'd be nice...