Synonyms For Complicated

No words can describe how I'm feeling.
Shit comes to mind.
I just can't believe this is happening.
These feelings I'm feeling.
For the first time in 8 months, my heart hurt in a good way.
Of all people.
No.
I cannot do this.
But it happens all the time.
My mom called it ages ago.
I was so blind.
For so long.
How much he really cared.
It's one of those deals I want really private.
Socially this sucks.
Probably the opposite of what people expect.
But in the back of my mind, I've always known.
It's hard, on both sides.
I guess we need to factor the Canadian in.
It's weird.
When I think of the faggot, I think all physical.
But when I think about it, I've never thought of it that way.
I would be perfectly content just being in the same room as him.
It's all so messed up.
And I really don't think I'm imagining any of it.
It's just crazy.
I'm in shock.
It's always been so unspoken.
But I vocalized my thoughts and feelings the other night.
And I have a hunch something will go down.
Whatever happens, I know it's right.
It's just crazy.