Sober Hearts

Oh boy.
I just did it.
Got it out of my system.
The entire time I babbled about how much I loved him.
And how much Gordon hurt me and how I hated him.
I laughed.
I cried.
I was loud and obnoxious.
And I'm pissed at myself.
I don't do that kind of stuff.
But all I can remember talking about is him.
How we have a special connection.
I'm ridiculous.
But in truth, we do.
I think he's a little weirded out.
But then again, he was way deeper.
I needed to get it out of my system.
A night not to care.
Because I truly didn't care.
I was fine.
I'm not going to do it again for a long, long, long time.
But the things I said...
Someone said they didn't think I really said what I felt.
Well I did, clearly.
And I owe Mary for being there for me.
But the words coming out of my mouth...
Do I really feel that way?
I mean that'd be wrong on every level.
I don't regret any of it.
I needed to experience it once in high school.
But it makes you think.
You never know, right?