Friender Benders

I hate fighting.
With anyone.
Strangers, friends, boyfriends, I hate it all.
I especially hate when people are just stupid and pick fights.
What is the point?

I simply needed to talk to you.
You were one of the only people I could depend on at school.
I just needed someone elses opinion.
But I got the, you're dramatic, and your life is all about Gordon speech.
Yep.
She pulled out that card.
Talk about an ouch.
It was like a punch in the stomach to be honest.
Because if she only knew how much that sucked?
She would have never said a word.
If she is seriously criticizing me about all I can talk about is Gordon, she has another thing coming.
If she only knew the depths of pain in every sense of the statement that I went through.
If she only knew how much I use to loathe myself for it.
I'm sorry I talked about him so much.
I'm sorry for crying to you.
I'm sorry that it was like someone died.
I'm really sorry that my best friend quit on me.
And I'm really, really sorry I don't talk about everyone under the sun.
That I have my few friends whom I love to death.
I'm really sorry for asking to just talk something through with me.
I won't ever again.
And I'm really sorry for feeling so dumb with all my issues the last eight months.
I don't enjoy talking about it.
I dread it.
As sick as it is, if I get any more hurt, I don't know what will happen.
So please, if you seriously want to criticize my life, don't tell me you care.
I have such trust issues, and of all people I thought you'd get it.
If you only knew.
If you walked a day in my shoes, you would have said nothing.
If you only knew how sensitive I really was, you would have said nothing.
If you only knew how bruised I was, you would have said nothing.
I feeling like one giant bruise.
One that if you touch it, it hurts.
But it doesn't hurt more than the gaping wound that was there once.
A bruise, if you don't touch it, doesn't hurt so bad.
And every day, it gets a little better.

I am finally okay.
Like really okay.
Like I think I'm really over you.
And I think that I don't miss you so much.
Only a little, tiny ounce of me does.
But just the friend part if anything.
But if I said I missed him, I think I'd be lying.
Because I really don't.
I mean if I think about it, I do.
But it doesn't ache in me in the least bit.
I'm perfectly okay with everything.
Maybe not perfectly, but I'm getting there.




And when you whispered in my ear, everything was better <3