Couches

I laid there on my couch, crying.
Real tears.
Not the fake ones.
I just had a bad day.
I just needed someone to hold me.
I as I laid there crying, it made me think of you unfortunately.
Just because you would have been there at one point.
And it's not just you.
I don't have anyone anymore.
I feel colder then ever.
And I don't feel much any more.
Makes it easier yes.
But it makes you start to think, am I even human?
That couch means a lot to me.
Many pivotal moments happened on that couch.
Boy do I miss the days, that everything was so easy.
I miss them.
And times like today, I wish the old you were back.
I've been okay.
And I'll be fine.
It's just a rough day today.
And it makes me miss how secure I felt before.
I just want to feel whole again.
To not feel so unstable.
To not feel fake anymore.
To not have to wear my fake, sarcastic demenar.
Because if people really knew me, they'd know that fake, sarcastic girl, is screaming out in pain for help.
So please.
Help.
The feeling of abandonment is eating away at me today.