Gettin Down With The Get Down

Ahh.
I feel as though I am in a new perspective.
I re-read messages from after the break up with Jen.
I realized he loved me so much.
And I'm pretty sure he still does.
We were so special.
And I realized he is in a rebound relationship.
It won't last.
And it makes me laugh.
I know we'll be together again someday.
Though right now I don't want that, I know it'll happen eventually.
First loves are always the most special.
And they always find a way back.
Right now we can't be together.
I'm high school.
You're college.
I'm young.
You're old.
It doesn't make sense.
So for now, goodbye.
I can move on with my life, which I have been.
I may not say I love you, but nights like tonight I do.
I am moving on.
I'm not lying when I say that.
But you will always hold a special place in my heart.
Once you love someone, you can't help it.
I'm excited for my friends to experience love.
Because maybe it'll justify some of the crazy shit I did.
I hope at least.
I was crazy.
But I don't regret it.
At all.
Because I know we were good.
We'll always be good.
And if we ever talk again, we'll be right back where we started.
Love.

I really like my social life this year.
I love all my new friends.
I love the fact that me and Jen are so close.
We just clique.
And to think I would never be this close to her if it wasn't for Gordon.
Sometimes good things come out of bad...
I saw Pat today.
And for some reason, it was okay, but not great.
I know deep down he loves me.
But on the outside it's pretty rough.
At least in front of people.
At my house alone we snuggle, even flirt?
But in a brotherly sisterly way.
I dunno.
Confusing.
And I'm pretty sure Mary still likes him.
Because she was real shy around him.
Not herself.
A Mary I've never seen before.
Her mom hates me but what else is new.
I don't really care.
It's chill.
I just feel like they think they are so cool.
It's like once you're in it's boring.
I have way more fun with Jen then I do Pat.
But I have a deep bond with Pat so I like spending time with him.
It feels like it use to.
It's all just so confusing.
My mind and my heart both I guess.