Apocalypse Please

When will it end?
This constant state of depression?
It's getting so old.
Not even about Gordon.
It started from him, but now I'm legitimately depressed.
People have started coming up to me asking me what's wrong or if I'm sick.
I say I'm fine and make up some stupid excuse.
I miss you.
I said it.
I miss my love.
I admitted it.
Happy now?
I MISS YOU.
I just want to end this now.
I want to STOP.
Stop feeling this way.
Stop caring about you.
Stop knowing you care so much about me and you, you don't talk to me.
Because you think you're doing the right thing.
You love me.
Stop pretending you don't.
But I hate you.
Hate.
You ruined me.
I ruined myself.
I just want to be happy again.
Want boyfriend stuff again.
Feel loved again.
Love again.
But don't come back.
Come back.
Don't tell me you love me.
Just love me.
Stop tooling with my head.
But keep me thinking about you.
I'm sick.
So sick.
I just need a little help.
But no one come near me.
I'm too sick.

"I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt.
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair and out of my mind."