Unexpected

So I am feeling feelings for someone else.
He is nice, sweet, handsome.
He has a girlfriend, but they're breaking up.
We like each other.
And he cheated on her.
With me.
But we aren't telling anyone.
It just makes me feel sick.
For lots of reasons.
One being it's not Gordon.
And that's really weird for me.
Like really weird.
And I hate it.
But I can't help how I feel.
My hearts there, but my mind isn't yet.
It was all just perfect.
So perfect.
More perfect than with Gordon.
Way more perfect.
I think with Gordon it was his social status, how old he was, etc.
I mean I loved him, but that just made it that much more exciting.

My problem here is I don't want a relationship.
I don't want commitment.
I want to be single.
But I just can't help how I feel.
My heart pounds.
My knees go weak.
Is this really happening?
I thought I was done.
No more relationships in high school.
No thank you.
But now I dunno what to do.
He's perfect.
It's all perfect.