Sunshine Sunshine Is Fine

I've been meaning to blog for days now.
I just haven't had the chance.
Lifes got me pretty busy these days.
Between going back to dance and work, I'm not alive.

I don't know how I feel right now.
I'm okay, my emotions are just very emotional I guess.
Very up and down.
I have my moments still.
That I can't breathe.
But they've been pretty consistanty wide spread.
I'm just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
It's like I miss him, but I don't.
He's talking to another girl.
He said there will be no relationship, they'll just hang out.
Kiss probably.
It makes my stomach flip but there's nothing I can do.
I can't help but to still have a little bit of feelings for him.
Love doesn't just disapear.
It lingers for a while.
Seeing him at work, hell.
A part of me wishes me he'll just leave now for school.
But twelve more days.
And he's gone.
My life will be so much easier.
If I think too hard about it I get upset and miss him.
But if I don't, I move on.
I guess I'm just jealous he has someone to talk to like we did.
And I don't.
My deepest secret?
That before he leaves he'd come running back to me before he leaves.
Pathetic right?
It'll never happen.
I've been so crushed through this whole expierience I just feel like a broken record.
I kinda have a thing with this kid from work.
But again, it won't work.
My luck.
He goes to Keene.
And has a girlfriend.
Why am I screwed over?
I can never have my happy ending.
My childhood has been so bad.
Nothing goes right.
And nothing ends up good for me.
Which I don't mind in theory.
But when a broken heart is the outcome, I'm not too happy.
That's alright though.
Karma's a bitch right?
then again, he hasn't suffered a day in his life so maybe there's no such thing as Karma or fate.
Maybe we're all just here and shit happens to only some people.
Everyone else has it made.
I could use a little sunshine.
To just clear my head.

I just need to think clearly.
My feelings are just so messed up.
It's killing me.
Especially seeing him at work.
Kills me seeing him text her right in front of me.
Whatever.

"That's what I was thinking. He's not with you because he can't be and this girl is just to get his mind off you. Take it as a compliment?"
Thank you Hryno :)

Dance has been great to keep my mind off stuff.
I missed it.

Keep pushing foward.
Don't look back.
Push.
Succeed.
Accomplish.