Anecdotes

I need a distraction.
I'm to the point of pros and cons lists.
I came to one conclusion.
PRO- I loved him
CON- He loved basketball more than me.

Plain and simple.
He loved himself more than me.
That hurts, because I felt differently.
But it'll be okay.
I'll be okay.
It's not even that I am hurt by the breakup still.
It's just our entire relationship I ignored so many issues.
They all just blew up in my face.
I'm not good with change.
So naturally I miss him.
Pat too.
Not his family though...
I dunno why.
I mean I guess but it's not heart breaking.
I miss his house.
I miss last fall.
I miss last summer.

I'm scared I'll never like anyone else.
That sounds so stupid but it's true.
I know I will.
I just feel the pressure to do better than him.
From what it looks like, he has found someone better than me.
It's okay.
I'm just scared I won't do the same.
I'll go for someone stupid.
I dunno...
I'm just excited for the future.
For school and dance.
To forget about him.
All I have are memories.
And the memories hurt.
Maybe they'll all fade away some day.
All I know is I'm messed up emotionally.
I need to fix myself.
Get back on track.
Dance helps with that.
But I need more.
I need the future.
I just want to be content with my life.