Perfection

Perfection.
There is no such thing.
No one is perfect.
I believe nothing is perfect.
Especially people.
We make mistakes.
Regret.

I don't know where to start.
Maybe dance.
I can try.
But I'm never happy with myself.
Naturally I guess.
Sometimes I want to stop caring.
Stop trying.
Have my life not revolve around it.
But I can't picture it.
My life wouldn't function.

I've had some odd times lately.
I'm sorry that I got so mad.
I took some stuff out on you that I shouldn't have.
I still don't like your friend.
But do what you want.
I'm not going to stop you at all.

I've been going through a lot as of late.
I've been making choices I'm not proud of.
But I'm new at this.
I'm learning.

He had picked me up from school.
We hung out for a while at the park.
Then we went to hang at his house.
As soon as I realized no one was home I panicked.
We were in his room.
Just kissing.
I was so angry at myself.
I didn't want to go as far as we did.
Nothing else happened.
But I felt like I wasn't in control.
I liked the fact that his head was in my chest, but hated it at the same time.
It felt too fast, too wrong.
I was so ashamed of myself the I let something like that happen.
Angry at him because he didn't stop it either.
Lust in a sin.
And we gave in.
We promised it couldn't happen again.
At least for a while.
We said no making out for a week.
I didn't think it would be too hard.
But I was wrong.
I was still angry.
But after hanging out for a few days just holding hands, it made it seem as though we were much tighter, and stronger.
Saturday night, we were watching a movie in his parents room.
They were in the next room over, but still.
We suddening started breaking our promise.

We still have a few days

I whispered.

It's okay, it's okay

He whispered back.

Suddenly I was on top of him.
He was so passionate.
It was an amazing feeling in my heart.
The past few days had built up to it.
I knew I wanted to cry.
I think he did too.
This burning passion in my heart.
We talked about him going to college.

You'll probably meet someone else, and that's okay

I whispered almost in tears.
He looked at me and took my face in his hands.

That's not going to happen. I want you, and no one else.

And he kissed me.
I broke off.

But we'll never see each other.

Guess who is going to be taking a lot of trip's home and to Canada?

I smiled.
I tell people about us, but I feel like no one understands it.
Our relationship is complicated but so simple.
We aren't like many other couples.
We've known each other for years, and got to know each other.
We've skipped the first few steps that any normal relationships would go through.
Which leads to people thinking other things.

But I hope it all lasts.
He sent me a message this morning.

Good morning babe :) I wanted to remind you that you're amazing and have a great school day. :) <3 and hopefully the feelings from this weekend last forever :)

Things like that mke me smile.

Dad still doesn't have a job.
Thing's aren't great with that. I don't know what will happen.
Nothing can be perfect at the same time.
At least not in my life.