Into The Ocean

My family had an episode last night.
My sister has been picking fights and I'm extremely head strong.
Not a good combination.
Let's say long story short my mom called me a heartless bitch.
Oh and I got my iPod taken away.
Yay.

I thought about what she said.
Maybe I am one.
She said either that or I was extremely sensative.
Maybe I'm that too.
If someone says anything to me, I overthink it and end up worried or crying.
I don't know. Either way it hurt.
My mom kept saying she knew how I felt.
I wanted to yell at her and ask her what was I feeling?
She has no idea what I go through.
At school or at home.
What pain I carry with me everywhere.
How much he hurt me.
He made me not able to trust anyone, especially boys.
I'm rather lost actually.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Why does he keep talking to me?
Why does he tell me he misses me then ignores me at school?
I don't understand.
Maybe because I just want to be friends.
Maybe because I told him that.
Maybe because I like his best friend.
I'm not sure though.
But every time I see him, I feel so much pain.
He told me how badly he felt about everything.
Again.
He told me he still liked me.
I don't understand why he can't cope with the fact that he has a girlfriend.

You have been rather extremely cute to me as of late.
You actually care about me?
It's bizarre.
I'm not used to it.

So you've been one of my best friends all year.
Suddenly you've gotten too cool for me.
I'm rather upset about it.
Rather hang out with you almost senior friends.
It's fine I guess.
I just miss you.

Overall I just feel sad.
I feel like that all the time.
I don't know why...
Or maybe I do.
I just want to throw this year into the ocean.
So I'll forget all about it.
I don't have to worry about it.
I guess I just need a summer to think and re-group.