Happy 33 Months

Today would be G and I's 33rd month.
I'm vomiting.
Everywhere.
I am usually really good at just ignoring him at work, but yesterday was horrible.
I wanted to kill him.
Over the past 24 months I've given him multiple olive branches, all of which he's rejected.
At the beginning of last year, he was very nice to me.
He talked to me, made eye contact with me.
But these days, he barely says hi to me.
He would rather look the other way.
He can't even look me in the eye.
It's like he wastes energy being so lifeless to me.
And it gets under my skin.
Like the least you can do after everything is to just be nice to me.
The old Gordon would have been nice.
Wouldn't want to see me hurting, let alone anyone else.
I just don't know who he is anymore.
And it hurts a little.
Because all I want is to be civil.
And he can't even bare to do that.
I'm just sick of 2 years going by and still being treated like I never mattered.
I'm over it and so should you.
I just want peace.

John is really good.
I like him more and more all the time.
Time flies whenever I'm with him.
I genuinely enjoy being around him.
I actually love being around him.
He's so smart and funny and handsome.
I dunno.
He's different.
I actually have real feelings towards this kid which genuinely hasn't happened since Gordon.
We'll see what happens.