Everything That Could Go Wrong, Always Does In My World.

I cannot believe tonight even happened.
I saw her, and knowing I'm a pretty confident person, obviously walked right up to her.
She was with Greg Denis, who loves me.
Stupid Fisher Cats.
He gave me a "come over here" type of look, which he does regularly, so naturally with her there I gladly went.
She was pretty shocked I had the guts to walk over there.
But my attitude?
Fuck you.
I have nothing to lose at this point.
I lost it all a while ago.
So I starting talking to Greg, who was gladly talking to me.
I looked directly into Laura's eyes, and said "hi!".
She looked at me, completely disgusted.
"Hey..." was what I got back.
I felt awkward, so I talked to Greg about something work related, completely ignoring Pat Egan's girlfriend, and glanced at my phone.
It was at this point I realized I was shaking like crazy.
Somewhat surprised by my reaction, I awkwardly said bye.
Now writing it all down, it seems like this conversation lasted 5 minutes.
But in all reality, it was not even 60 seconds.
So much was going on.
To me, it was like, two years of hearing about this girl, and finally I was face to face with her.
I went about my work, thinking nothing of it.
I was starting to regret not taking a closer look at her.
I wanted to size her up to an extent.
The situation made me giggle actually because Mary had just bitched Gordon out for being a dick to me, he's been a saint ever since.

After I was thrown into the concession stand, I went back to my home, I mean suites.
I was thrown onto the 1st base side for ice cream, jumping right in.
I asked Julie if anyone was in suite 3, she said only Pat.
It didn't occur to me Laura was in there until much later.
They actually ended up leaving the suite as we were doing ice cream right next to it.
But Collin and Peter came up to visit me a short time after that.
Now Collin being Gordon's little brother, you would think it would be awkward.
It's probably the opposite.
We get along great.
As Collin was standing right next to me, Pat, Kj, and of course, Laura walk right by, not even acknowledging the three of us.
But that moment made me feel so great.
It was a "fuck you Laura" moment.
Especially it was great because I saw how legitimately fat and ugly she is.
I'm not saying this to make myself feel better either.
The weirdest part about all of it is that I had a feeling she would be there tonight.
2 of the 7 day homestand I am working, so of course she would be there a night I'm working.
Overall, it's just strange.
I want nothing to do with Gordon.
But it was more of the fact that months of my life were miserable because of her.
It's just odd.

John left for St. Paul's.
I'm already starting to miss him.
We fought last night.
The first time for real.
I mean it's been going on two months so I guess we were bound to have an argument.
It got pretty nasty at one point.
But we're working on it.
I'm sure we'll be fine.
It's just hard because I'm still wrapping my head around it being possible to fall in love with more than one person.
Like, losing Gordon, the love of my life, it felt like a divorce.
If that happens to me again, I'm not sure what will happen.
I'm really working on letting myself fall though.
It's just hard because I'm not naive like I use to be.
I'm a realist.
And it's kicking me in the ass.