Reality.

Chris told me something that is completely true.
I was explaining to him about how I still dreamt about Gordon.
All the time.
He said to me that my conscious mind is okay with not having him in my life.
My my unconscious mind is not.
Chris told me that I need to read the messages and process them.
I need to process.
Because I never really did.
But reading those messages.
He told me that our worlds didn't work right now.
But that one day, they would.
He hoped for that day.
I was reading our conversations before and after we broke up.
He felt so bad.
He was so sweet.
Never once was he mean.
We were so in love.
And it's really hard for me to not accept this.
He told me I needed to date other people to really see how I felt about him.
I did.
I love him.
More than I will ever know.
And you know, if we were ever thrown into the same room together, I'm scared for what would happen.
Maybe we would never let each other go.
Or maybe he wouldn't even look at me.
But if there's one thing I know, he cared about me so much.
And if he knew that Pat had sex with Kate Saturday night, he would kill him.
I just know this.
It's just really hard.
Because I love him.
And I probably always will.
And I need to accept this.
And move on with my life.
But heres where it sucks.
I don't think about him much during the day.
But I dream about him way too much.
My life is so fucked up.
I need to stop.
But as the saying goes, hope is the only thing stronger than fear.