Jar Of Hearts

It's funny how life is so meant to be.
How sad it can be too.
Like the fact that I was being googled and had hundreds of page views and now that I changed the URL I have close to 0.
Even my alleged best friend had my blog as one of her most visited sites on her laptop...
She didn't know I saw it.
But that bothers me to an extent.
I dunno if she got over our fight quicker because of it or what.
But now she's in the dark about how I've been feeling and shit.
I dunno if it's good or bad yet.
Personally I like it better.
But who knows what it'll do to me as far as who read it.
Sympathy ends I guess.

So basically today was refreshing.
I haven't felt so good in ages.
It just gives me hope which is exactly what I need.
Just how close we were, skin on skin, everything.
So innocent.
We've known each other since birth which also makes it great.
I mean we'll probably just talk.
But the fact that I got that butterfly sensation in my stomach and got all excited when we locked eyes, I missed it.
It made me think.
He's a great guy.
Perfect minus the fact he's going off to UConn in the fall.
But I have someone like him, yet I've been depressed about Gordon for months now.
I think it was because I didn't find anyone else, not that I have someone else.
But it's just the hope and distraction that it brings.
But the fact that a blog ago I thought of myself as a collectable, which I basically am to him.
But I'm not.
He's the problem.
I always ignored how he treated girls in his past because I thought I was different.
In a way I was.
I was the first love.
But he's going to continue to go around collecting hearts.
He's going to continue to scar people.
And I don't want anyone like that around me.


You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?