I Be Like Avril

I get frustrated sometimes.
I wish that things were different in some situations.
Like I wish you could act normal around me.
Am I really that bad?
I mean come on.
I just wish you'd look at me and smile.
A real smile.
Not a half ass pursed lips smile.
Because believe it or not I miss that smile.
And I think this is why I'm having some issues.
I'm not crying and all heart broken at all.
I'm fine actually.
But I think that my previous experiences have led me to dread relationships in general.
Like I want nothing to do with them really.
I'm so scared.
And it's like I don't want to one up my previous relationship.
That was love man.
And I don't want the pressure to do it again.
I just can't do it again.
Too painful.
And I have Gordon to blame.
My young and niave mind thought that he was my one, my only, my everything.
And for what happened to have happened, has scarred me greatly.
My heart still has band aids on it.
But in all reality, at this point in time I love being by myself.
I don't want to explain myself to anyone else again.
And I think a part of me aches a little still.
Maybe I'm just weak.
Or maybe there's a much bigger plan out there for me.
At least I'd like to think so.
It's funny.
Avril Lavine comes to mind.
Complicated, isn't it?