Maybe The Grass Is Greener

I woke up from a nap to a surprising text.
It was Bib.
I was shocked.
She wanted to know if we could catch up.
She said she didn't care about what had gone on between Becca and I.
That should not have any influence on our friendship.
Again, I was shocked.
It was so random.
We hung out, and it seemed like nothing changed even though everything had.
She said she's trying to be a better person.
And she talked to Val and felt bad afterwards.
She didn't know if she should talk to me or not, just didn't want to create more conflict.
But I did ask her if she thought I should go to Becca's graduation.
She said I should talk to her.
But I feel like I have nothing more to give.
I've given everything to everyone which is totally my fault.
But Bib said something interesting.
She said I had been her best friend for ten years.
I thought she had forgotten about me to be honest.
I mean I've only heard from her a handful of times in the past year.
She said that she didn't support their decision 100% of quitting dance.
I guess it just gives me hope that people will look around peoples opinions and trash talk.
Because this has been terrible for me.
But they'll believe what they want.
And I'm not going to try and change that.
It is what it is.

Sometimes I feel sick when I see you.
No actually every time.
My stomach was off all week because of work.
Well you.
And I'm hoping this goes away.
Because it's a huge annoyance.
You make me not eat.
People wonder why I lost weight last summer...
I just hope you're happy.
And I have yet to understand how all of this love shit works.
Because it is the most hypocritical thing in existance.
Maybe it doesn't even exist.
Just our imagination, hoping that there's something in life worth living for.
Maybe it's just a joke.
All a mindset.
Just to make life a little more bearable.
But that's just my clouded view.
I've been asking God for a sign.
Something to tell me that everything will be okay.
Work itself out.
Maybe I may find someone else someday.
It'd be nice.