Love And Basketball

I didn't think it was going to be that hard.
I didn't even think about it.
I was excited, and yes I thought about last year's game, but didn't think much of it.
The Trinity vs. Central game was more mentally exhausting then I ever imagined.
As I walked in, and saw his cousin, who was a senior at the rival school.
He hugged me for a good 5 seconds, which is a long hug in comparison to most.
And again, hugging him was hugging the part of me that left.
Their bodies, shaped the same...
It's funny.
I forgot what it was like hugging him.
I just forgot.
And to be honest, it wasn't terrible.
I wasn't in pain.
I was just reminded of how much of my soul he really had.
Because to be honest, I felt more vulnerable at that moment then ever.
I walked in further, and his old teammates greeted me with enthusiastic hello's and hugs.
And as I walked into the gym, his old coach made eye contact with me.
I looked away, as did he.
I looked again, and so did he.
I felt obligated to say hello.
I walked over to where he sat.
He gave me a massive hug, and told me how great it was to see me.
He told me I should suit up for Trinity, and play for the girls because they would need me out their.
He had his hand around my back, and it just felt like old times.
It felt like I belonged.
It was like deja vu.
After I left him, I watched the girls game.
I walked past the Trinity side, and saw many old friends who hugged me as well, and told me to come find them before the night was over.
I walked to the Central side, and everything went still.
It was as though I was in a trance.
Everything was quiet, and everything was still.
At that moment, his father and brother walked in.
It was like slow motion.
Suddenly I blinked, and everything was back to its normal pace.
I breathed slowly and heavily.
"Are you okay?", Addie asked.
"Yeah, yeah I'm good," as I looked around distracted.
I felt awkward.
The green and white colors didn't feel right.
I hoped Central won for bragging rights, but actually wanted Trinity to win, because they were my team.
It was an odd experience, watching the boys on the court.
Watching a game without my Pat, and without my Gordon.
It felt raw, and empty.
A gym full of people, feeling empty.
How does that happen?
I really am okay.
I'm not hurting, I'm good.
It just makes me miss last year somewhat.
Because at that game, it felt like nothing much changed, when everything had.
I realized at that game, how deep it really was.
How much of an investment I really had in everything.
How much of my soul really was exposed.
Now, I just feel empty.
Empty is every sense of the word.
My life is like a clock, with nothing happening but ticking.
At every hour it does not ring.
It does not chirp.
It does not sing either.
It just ticks.
It is as ordinary as a clock gets.
It is a rather sad looking clock.
Haunted by the memories of happiness, acceptance, and love.
Love and basketball.
And that's it.