Moving Mountains

Why doesn't God want me to forget...
I dreamt about you last night.
And to be honest is was the most content I've been in months.
I was so relieved.
And then I woke up.
And I just feel sick.
I miss you so much.
And you won't talk to me.
You won't listen to me.
And it kills me.
I don't know what your problem is.
But until you speak to me, I won't get over this.
I don't know when that will be.
And I don't know if I'm lying to myself when I say I'm over you.
People hate me for still bringing you up from time to time.
And I think I love your best friend too.
But I dunno if that's because he's close to you or not.
And Ben?
I dunno.
I am just so confused.
About where my mind is.
And where my heart is.
I ask God to heal me everyday.
To heal my heart from everything it's been through.
I loved you so much.
And always will.
I'll move on.
And I kinda already have.
But everytime I am almost there something holds me back.
And it confuses me.
I have boys throwing themselves at me.
But it is just getting old.
So please Lord, heal me.
Heal me so it isn't always on my mind.
Heal me so it's not just on his terms but mine.
Please.
I'm sick and tired.