Reflection and Refraction

I finally told one of my best friends about this.
I told her this is one of the only places I wrote down almost exactly what I feel, but I'm not judged.
She went to say it was well written, and I'm not sure if she know's this but that made my day.
Suck it Wadleigh.
But as she was reading my older blogs, I read them too.
It was good for me to reflect, because I hadn't really since everything.

Yes reflection was good, but sometimes it can be bad, especially for me.
It's like what you learn in science class.
Instead of light refracting, it's my thoughts.
They have been bending every which way until I can't make up my mind.
I keep saying time will heal.
Will it?
I think so, maybe.
I guess it's healing but I still get waves of pain.
I had a meltdown the other day.
I didn't even talk to my sister about it.
That's how upset I was.

My mind still has flashbacks.
I still see myself putting my hands in his green sports jacket.
It was winter and cold.
I liked the fact I had to look up at him.
Usually I look down.
I remember the day when he teased me by hitting on me the entire lunch period.
He sat there sitting next to me with his arm around me tight telling me how much he loved me.
I thought he was acting foolish and stupid.
But he wasn't only acting, he did mean some of it.
When we went outside he had his arms around me.
Coach came over and told him to get his hands off me because...
"I was a beautiful girl and I didn't know where that boys hands had been."
Still makes me laugh to this day.
But then I think of a few weeks ago.
"i think your amazing jane.
like i think your so beautiful and i really like you.
and i want to talk to you in person.
but like in private."
That hurts.
Maybe because I think he's moved on.
I don't really know.
I sent him a message the other day but no reply.

Maybe it's mean't to be.
Maybe God just wants me to forget.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure of much.
It all comes down to relflection and refraction I guess.