A Pethetic Point of View

Is it wrong for me to hate not being on the inside?
And to hate myself for screwing up even though I had reason.
What the hell.
Just move away.
Don't look.
No I can't not look she's wearing the earings I bought her for her birthday.
And she's wearing the shirt I gave her today.
Stop thinking about it!
I said I was sorry, there's nothing else I can do.
But I'm so tired of the silent treatment.
I don't talk to her, she doesn't talk to me.
That simple.
But it's so hard.
I wonder if she know's how many times I've stopped myself from talking to her.
I want to laugh hysterically again.
I... I miss her.
Okay we both screwed up.
So why can't we just talk again?
I want to cry.
No, no I can't cry now.
I'll go in the bathroom.
What I don't even need to pee.
Whatever.
Ok, now my makeup is all over my face.
Great.
I guess I have to go back out now.
Where do I stand?
I can't be near her or her sister.
I think she's mad at me too.
I hate myself.
Why am I such an idiot.
"APPLE BLOSSOM!"
I snapped out of being in la-la land.

... And that's what I was thinking during ballet today.
I had a good cry in the bathroom.
Had a sucky class.
All day was pretty sucky actually.
I also thought about him.
We've been talking so late for the past couple of nights.
Things have been going really well.
It's the only thing that's been going well lately.

The waves are getting further and further apart.
But when it hits it hurts.
It brings me back.
Is is wrong when I want someone I care about to tell me everything's going to be okay...
I hope not, cause I think about that quite often.