From Yesterday

Oh mod A.
Wadleigh you stress me out.
I need to do really well on this paper.
Gah help?
My dear friend,
you deserve him.
He isn't an asshole.
I approve:)

I talked to you again.
When I saw you my heart fluttered.
You waved.
I waved back and smiled.
We talked again...
For quite a while.
It was nice.
I tried to notice detail when we were together.
Here's what I came up with.
You are always grinning when you are around me.
At least when we are alone.
Though I must say I am dissapointed with your grades Mr.
But you make me smile.
A lot.
I feel like whenever you look at me you study me.
I kinda like it.
Though it wasn't a far walk,
we made it longer.
What I really wanted was a hug,
but I knew it wouldn't happen for a while.
For a bit I doubted you, but I think everything will be okay.

Dance...
I haven't been in two days.
I don't really feel bad about it.
I don't know why.
It's weird.
I love it,
but I don't know why I didn't go.
I'm confusing myself.

Report cards today.
I knew already what I got.
It could have been better,
and it will be this quarter,
but I don't think I did terrible.
I am really focusing on grades right now.

Dad I think you need a job...
Now.
You are kinda driving me nuts.
We are so alike yet so completely different.

So my mother and I re-lived the day we found out my
baby cousin was disgnosed with liver cancer.
I was only 11,
but I remember like it was yesterday.
I remember you were wearing a white tee-shirt.
You're hair was all sweaty and you were laying on my aunt
because you couldn't move.
You couldn't breathe.
The tumor was pressuring you're lung so much that you were wheezing.
I remember the look on you're mom's face.
A terrified sort of look.
I remember taking you're two brother's home with us
cause they didn't know where or when you'd be able to come home.
You didn't come home for a long time.
I remember the days when people would ask me
"How's you're baby cousin doing?"
And I'd just say fine.
But I was lying.
I didn't like to talk about it.
I remember the day I got the phone call.
You had gone home.
They were all waiting for you.
You're grandparents,
you're great-grandparents,
aunts,
uncles,
everyone was waiting for the beautiful child, inside and out.
I know they were waiting with open arms.
I knew you weren't in pain anymore.
Their you can be a little kid like you were suppose to.
I wish this never happened to you.
To our family.
To everyone who knew you.
I don't understand why you were always so happy.
When you're skin was green from all the drugs,
and all the wires and needles sticking out at you,
you would waddle around in your Bob the Builder slippers
and your walker.
Smiling.
Smiling the happiest smile.
I'm glad we burried you with you're favorite slippers.
I still have flashbacks of your white casket.
My heart pains to think about it.
You didn't deserve this.
No one does.
I just want to let you know no one will every forget you.
I sometimes still cry myself to sleep thinking about you.
I'll see you again.
I just hope I get to their.
I love you, and miss you.
Pray for me.

RIP, Colby Dufour,
1/24/02 - 7/07/04

"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28